The Robert Downey Jr. Film Guide: Firstborn (1984)

A boy’s life is disrupted when his mom lets her obnoxious boyfriend move into their house.

Lee, a member of Corey Haim’s group of friends, which resembles the cast of a Sunny Delight commercial.

Teri Garr, Corey Haim, Sarah Jessica Parker

Sarah Jessica Parker in Girls Just Want to Have Fun.

[Sarah Jessica Parker] was sitting across the room, and I thought, “You have a lot to learn from this person.” We moved in together two weeks later ... I think, the second movie part I ever got. I moved into [Sarah Jessica Parker’s] apartment shortly thereafter ... I went in for an audition and was obnoxious, and Michael Apted dug it. I would go to interviews, and people would ask how I supported myself when I wasn’t acting, and I would say, “By my spine.”

During the filming, Downey taught Corey Haim how to use hair gel. It was also the origins of his 7 year relationship with Sarah Jessica Parker.

Released in theaters 26 October 1984. Not available on DVD. Released on Blu-ray 31 July 2012.

Brazil: Quando se Perde a Ilusão (When We Lose Our Illusion)
Finland: Painajaisten Isäpuoli (Nightmare Stepfather)
Germany: Moving In - Eine fast intakte Familie (Moving In: A Nearly Intact Family)
Norway: Innflytteren (Sojourner)
Portugal: Laços de Família (Family Ties)
Spain: Un Extraño en Casa (A Stranger in the House)
Sweden: Mammas Nya Kille (Mom’s New Boyfriend)

33% Fresh | 12 Reviews

Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times: The climactic scenes in Firstborn are so dismally predictable that I even got a little angry. The movie had been so good that somehow it didn’t have the right to evade all the issues it had raised and just turn into a suburban thriller.

Janet Maslin, New York Times: It is to the credit of Mr. Apted, and to a cast including some very believable young actors, that Firstborn moves swiftly and smoothly enough to dispel much nitpicking about plot points, at least for a time. There’s a lot about the story that finally doesn’t add up.

1. You’re desperate to see a bad TV movie but your cable is out.
2. Transport yourself to a mystical world where Corey Haim was a bigger star than Robert Downey Jr and Sarah Jessica Parker combined.

If you must, here’s a tip: after Corey Haim gets violent with one of his pals, Downey has no more screen time. This is a good point in the movie to remove the video, destroy it and start drinking until you forget the effort you put into tracking it down.

You might also like Weird Science (1985), Less Than Zero (1987), the Lifetime Movie Network.